Nice Guys finishing last

Guy from Tinder wanted to get drinks near the beginning of the month, and I was game. Time and distance (45 minute drive) didn’t work out over a week and he seemed to be in a really negative head-space, so I wasn’t feeling it anymore. Last I heard from him was the night before I left on an international vacation, when I told him I was packing for my trip. Didn’t hear from him until today. Told him, in very kind and polite terms, that it wasn’t going to work out for us to meet and I wished him the best of luck. It did not go well.

From the beginning, sans a phone number exchange on Tinder —

WED, OCTOBER 1, 12:45 PM 

Hi, it’s Alysha 

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Hey, good afternoon.

Hey good lookin’. 🙂

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That dress looks great on you.

Aw, thank you! I have a trial at a dress rental place, which now that I say that, sounds weird, lol

That’s cool. You’re very beautiful.

Aw, you’re going to make me blush. 🙂

It’s true.

Well thank you. So where do you wanna go for that drink? Haha.

What part of town do you live in?

I’m in Tampa, just north of USF. You?

I’m in Lakeland, but I work near the state fairgrounds

Do you know anything near your work, or in Temple Terrace kind of area?

Hmm, well, wing house has a bar. That’s the nearest place to my job. There’s plenty of places in Brandon as well.

Maybe not Wing House, lol. Google maps pulled up a place near the fairgrounds called Gaspar’s Patio Bar & Grille?

I’ve heard of it. I’ve never been there.

Wanna try that one? They have happy hour until 7pm according to the site.

What day do you think?

Hm, what time do you normally get out of work?

Around 6ish

But I work tonight at my night job, so I’ll have to go straight home.

Okay, how about Friday? I have dinner with my dad tomorrow night.

[2 hours later]

Could we get lunch Friday?

[1 hour later]

I think it would only give us about 20 minutes to eat and hang out.

Could I call you?

Sure, go ahead.

[Call takes place, we discuss how it’s not a good idea to meet for lunch because of the distance to travel in a short amount of time. We also talk about how he hates his current job as a social worker and feels like there’s nothing else that he’s qualified to do. His dramatization, not mine. ~20 minutes]


THU, OCTOBER 2, 8:10 AM

Good morning dear.

Good morning.


SAT, OCTOBER 4, 1:15 PM

Hey.

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[4 hours later, 5:15 PM]

Hey, looking good. Ready to not personally train anyone? Lol {Note: Reference to how his employer doesn’t allow their employees to offer advice to customers. Previously discussed information from the short phone convo.}

[2 hours later, 7:00 PM]

Ready.

Let’s go get drinks

Know a place you would wanna go?

Got a second?

Yep, sure.

How long n would it take you to get from Lutz to Brandon?

35-45 min?

Hmm.

[Call takes place, he was buying beer at the store on the way home from work. He joked about how he drinks Miller or some crap beer now because he used to like craft beer until hipsters ruined it. Which, whatever. ~20 minutes]

[4.5 hours later, 11:30 PM]

Hey

Heya

Picture?

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Been drinking that beer? Lol

Lol, no, dead sober

We could get a night cap at ale house

I think I’m in for the night, but thanks 🙂

Ugh


SUN, OCTOBER 5, 4:38 PM

What are you doing?

At the dog park, you?

At home.

We should meet at ale house tonight and watch the football game

I’m going to get dinner with my co-worker, but I’ll let you know what time I get back. 🙂


MON, OCTOBER 6, 9:36 AM

Hey, good morning.

Hey, sorry I didn’t get back to you last night, I didn’t get home until around 9:30 and my best friend and I were on the phone until about midnight.

Yeah, it’s ok. I just figured you didn’t get home until later.

[6.5 hours later, 4:00 PM]

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TUE, OCTOBER 7, 6:43 AM

Hey hun, good morning.

Hey, good morning.

So I wonder, are we ever going to go out?

Yeah, as long as we can work around time and distance. Do you have Wednesday after work free?

aka tomorrow


WED, OCTOBER 8, 1:44 PM

I work my night job tonight.


THU, OCTOBER 9, 10:57 AM

Hey kiddo.

Hey, how’s it going?

What are you up to tonight?

Packing and going to sleep early, gotta be at the airport at 6:30am



FRI, OCTOBER 17, 11:50 AM

Are you still out of town?



THU, OCTOBER 23, 6:56 AM

Hello? Lol

Hey, sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I’m back in Florida, but I’ve had tonsillitis since Monday. {Note: This is true. I get sick after trips a lot, probably from airports/planes.}

[2 hours later, 9:00 AM]

I’m sorry hun.

[7.5 hours later, 4:30 PM]

I’m thinking of you.

[2 hours later, 6:30 PM]

I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s going to work out for us to get together. I wish you the best of luck though!

Why didn’t I get a chance?

I don’t think that’s fair

Bullshit, honestly, seeing as how you ignored me for over a week.

I was out of the country and then ill, but the one text message I could have responded to honestly slipped my mind because I was visiting with family.

I sent you multiple messages. Man, that’s fucking rude.

I wanted to meet up with you earlier, but our schedules just weren’t happening before I left. You seem like you’re in kind of a negative place, but I really do want only good things for you. They’re just not going to be with me.

I asked you out almost three fucking weeks ago.

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I don’t know if it was being out of the country, but I didn’t get multiple messages.

I deserve a chance

Plain and simple

Yes, unless you have an international plan you won’t get most domestic text messages

{Note: This isn’t true with my plan. I could send and receive international texts at no charge, but I didn’t push it because I didn’t know what other people’s plans included.}

Well jumping down my throat about it isn’t winning you any points.

In the game in which I’m apparently a prize that you deserve a shot at?

I’m not trying to jump down your throat. I knew you were busy with work and going on a trip. I was patient. I liked talking with you and wanted to meet you since early on this month. I don’t think that me being a little upset about you passing me over is unreasonable

I declared my intentions and waited patiently.

Do I feel like I’m owed a little time? In a word…. absolutely.

I offered up as many scheduling options as you for trying to meet, and tried to pick locations in between our sizable location difference, but either my schedule or your work was interfering. You’d check in with me daily for a photo for a few days, and nothing else.

No one in this world owes you anything, but I was, at one point, willing to meet with you. I can’t say that I am now, especially after all this entitled male whinging.

Try it

I’m pretty special

When I say there’s no one out there like me I say that with the utmost sincerity

http://stavvers.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/nice-guys-the-friendzone-and-sexual-entitlement/

?


FRI, OCTOBER 24, 8:44 AM

The last message I got from you was blank.

It was a link to an article about “nice guys” and how if you are a genuinely decent human being, you need to be prepared to hear the word “no”. And you need to be prepared to deal with that “no”, and accept that. If hearing “no” is soul-crushing, or enraging, or likely to cause resentment, then you really need to work on your own issues before attempting to connect with other human beings in a non-coercive capacity. Rejections happen, and they’re a product of the other person expressing their autonomy. It’s nice not to resent another human’s articulation of non-consent. {taken from article he didn’t read}

So basically it’s a nice way of blowing me off. Frankly,  I think your actions with me suck.

When I haven’t been treated fairly it doesn’t sit well with me. And rightfully so.

I already tried the nice way of turning you down. If I was blowing you off, I really would just ignore you. Anyone who feels entitled to your time instead of grateful for it is a waste of it. And for the record, it isn’t every girl’s dream to be intimidated and coerced into a date with a very unique snowflake of a guy.

You’re a joke

Apparently one’s feelings don’t matter to you.

And you’re a misogynistic baby. You started with the name calling and anger tactics immediately after a gentle and apologetic rejection. We talked for a week about trying to meet up and it wasn’t happening. If this is how you react over something that tiny, I’d hate to see how you treat the other women in your life.

Try a gym honey, they work.

You’re not fighting your misogyny there, bub. I’ve been trying to point out issues that seem to be plaguing you, but if you’re groping down the bottom of the barrel for insults instead of trying to hear what I’m saying to you, we’re obviously done here.

If I’m a misogynist I better try to fit your clichéd, foolish, and just flat out wrong interpretation of me.

You should get to know me.

And your pointing out issues? Last I heard you worked in the title business. You never told me you were a therapist.

Yes, better sink to the level of bottom feeder if I infer that you are one. How can you seriously expect me to want to get to know you after you’ve been berating me and called me fat? And why would you want to get to know me if you think all these things about me? I don’t have to be a licensed therapist to see that you’re a bitter, jaded guy with entitlement problems.

I’m neither bitter, jaded, nor feel entitled. But I feel common courtesy should be reciprocal. And if it isn’t it really irks me.

The common courtesy of what? Wanting to go out with me?

I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request.

That is literally entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Other people have the right to say “no” to you without being attacked.

I think you’re mistaken


And that’s the end of the sad, sordid tale. Except for the part where he tried to call me twice later that evening. I guess I’ll stick to ghosting.

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